So I went into FLY and had a good time. I met a bunch of people, some who were very cool people and some who should have been smothered as children. In all I learned quite a bit, but I couldn’t help but feel confused.
Dr. Steve Roberson was talking about when he surrendered his life to God and how he lived after he surrendered to Gods will. He told a story, but I can’t quite remember how it went. What I do remember he said that when he sinned, God started talking to him and asked him if he was doing the right thing. The story ends with him making the right decision and moving on with life.
This confused me so much because it never happens to me. I’ve sinned quite a bit and remember my actions perfectly, but I don’t recall a tiny voice in my head asking me if I was doing the right thing. I believe I have a conscience, but I guess its not doing its job. I’ve prayed for something like that to happen in my life. I have asked God to help me with a constant reminder when I do something wrong but it never happens.
On top of Dr. Roberson’s story, Pastor Pope gave a short sermon on sex, but I’d like to think of it as my first sex talk. He told a story about when he was dating his wife and how he wanted to kiss her. Again, God tells him no and evil is thwarted once again, but it still seemed like a one sided story. Not that I’m proud, but I have made many mistakes with girls and in all that time, nothing pulled me away. Last year at youth camp, I made a promise to stay clean, but a week hadn’t even passed since I came home and I had already broken my promise. To add on to that, I didn’t even think about what I had done till the next day.
I wanted to go forward so bad this last weekend and make that same promise, but I couldn’t help but think about my previous promise and I couldn’t bare to go forward as a liar to make another promise. Why doesn’t God speak to me the same as he did Pastor Pope or Dr. Roberson?
I’d like to think the best, but I come away from an activity made to lift me up feeling like the worst person on earth.