I will never sleep again.

Every second that passed was just a waste. Everything he did he did to no particular point or purpose. He just lived his life, a good and simple life but it wasnt worth shit. “Your nothing. Nothing at all. Your a waste. Your just a worthless pile of shit.” She spoke the truth in his mind, but she was far from correct. He hung up the phone and walked to his closet. He grabbed a carefully wrapped item and then walked to his car.
All he could think about was what she said. He focused on all the things he did wrong, but never the things he did right. A tear fell down his face as he parked the car. He walked straight through her front door. Her dad yelling and cursing. He didnt care. He just walked down the hallway to her room. She met him at the door with hostility. She rambled for a brief moment. 
“What the FUCK do you think your doing here? Who do you think you are?” And with out hesitation he unwrapped the item from his closet and stuck it between his mouth. “What are you doing? NO I LOVE YOU!” 

BANG!

She began to scream. She screamed and screamed till her voice gave out, then she just fell to her knees and cried. I dont understand why? He was just a piece of shit? Who cares.

You got blood on your face…

The light flickered in the hallway. He nervously looked over both shoulders not yet sure why he was nervous. After a short pause in the hallway he began to walk again only to be standing face to face with someone.
He was wearing a black jacket with the hood up. The dim light made it hard to see his face. He was hyperventilating with his fists clenched tight and both arms shaking. This strange figure made him now aware of why he was so nervous. 
All the people he had used.
All the friends he had lied to.
All the girls that he had fucked.
All the hearts that he had broken.
All the lies he hid behind.
Each and every time he had run away.
“I always new that my fun would pay me back. It was just a matter of time.”
Suddenly the dark figure let out a horrible shout and he was tackled to the floor. The figure began to beat at his face furiously. He wanted to defend himself, to fight back… to stop it, but he was unable. Bleeding and screaming and crying for his life he slowly was beaten’ away. The figure still shouting. Still trashing at the almost dead corps. Then suddenly the figure stopped.
“I have repaid everyone you have wronged. I have been truthful to those you lied too. I have loved all the hearts you broke. I have corrected your broken and FUCKED UP life. I am god and I control your fate.” The figure then stood up and stood behind his head. He lifted his foot into the air and landed it in his face. 
They had to replace the carpet.

I found happiness in a bottle

“There’s someone else. I don’t want you to…” I shut the phone and drops it into a cup of beer. One of my drunk friends stumbles over laughing and shouting at people, “hey man check this out!” I just grab the Jacks and walk by him as he smashes a can on his head.

I walk out side and I don’t stop. I walk out of the neighborhood and on to the main street. I walk and I walk and I walk. I turn onto her street and walk to her house. It starts raining as I ring the door bell. I ring it again and again and again. His car is in her drive way, I know they are home. I take another drink of the almost empty Jacks bottle in my hand and I walk into the house.

“WHERE ARE YOU? WHERE ARE YOU?!” I’m spitting out words that are barely audible and drinking more and more. The bottle goes empty just as he walks out of her room to the balcony. “Get out man, she doesn’t want you here.” He keeps talking as I slowly walk up the stairs. I grip the bottle tightly and then I swing. I hit him again and again and again. He falls over the balcony. I hear her crying in her room and I start to walk again… the bottle still tightly grasped in my hand.

Whats up with me

Im currently learning the true meaning of giving everything for Christ. I want to compose a list of all the things I never would have been able to give up if not for the power of Christ in me…

Drugs, smoking, cursing(on going war, but im winning!), drinking, sex, the wrong freinds, love of money clothes and things, and so so so much more!

NEED” is a powerful word, a powerful but false word for the most part. Apart from God, what do we really need? Food? A home? Well thats all good stuff, but what does that lead too? Well what gets you all of these things… money. Money is the root of all evil, which is why we “NEED” it so much. What cant you do with out money these days? Now dont get me wrong, i am not saying its wrong to work for money so that you can have a house and food. Thats actually alright for most people because they wont over do it, but thats all you need. A house and food are the only things you NEED! do you NEED a tv? do you NEED a bed? do you NEED an X-Box 360 ir PS3?

 NO! YOU DONT…

 Heres a thought. Depend on God… like you are supposd to do. Depend on him to meet your true NEEDS. Dont go out and buy all these things! Give that $2000 you saved up for a plasma screen to a homeless shelter. Send an awsome love offering to a missionary. Turn the root of all evil around and smack Satan in the face with it. And all that spare time you would WAIST with all of those THINGS, spend it witnessing or doing something USEFULL!

 Thats my conviction right now.

Explain to me Aaron Weiss

As of late, I have been listening to mewithoutyou quite a bit and I must say, Aaron Weiss is AMAZING!!! Right now, I am in the process of understanding what his peoms are about, but I am stuck on the song “Tourches Together.” Well Im not exactly stuck on the song, but I just reolized that part of the lyrics are in the Bible. At the end of the song he sings…

                “We played the flute, but no one was dancing.

                  And you sang a sad song, but none of us cried.”

Well this verse is found in Luke 7:31-32 “And the Lord said,[a] “To what then shall I liken the men of this generation, and what are they like? They are like children sitting in the marketplace and calling to one another, saying: 
  

   ‘We played the flute for you,
And you did not dance;
      We mourned to you,
And you did not weep.’ “

If you could tell me what this is talking about or means it would be awsome!

A Pick-Me-Up

I dont want to know what I’d be without forgiveness. 

This is a faithful saying:

      For if we died with Him,
We shall also live with Him.
       If we endure,
We shall also reign with Him.
      If we deny Him,
He also will deny us. 
      If we are faithless,
He remains faithful;
      He cannot deny Himself.

                         2 Timothy 2:11-13

Who is a God like You,
      Pardoning iniquity
      And passing over the transgression of the remnant of His heritage?

      He does not retain His anger forever,
      Because He delights in mercy.
                          Micah 7:18

A change in Heart if you will…

Well, this may come as a shocker to some, but I have changed my mind about getting my GED. Yes I plan on finishing school and now the bigger question is college. I feel like explaining my self for this change. But before I do, please dont make fun of this, because I really do feel called by God to do this.

Matthew 19:21 – Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

Matthew 19:29-30 – And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.

Matthew 25: 35-40 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of thesebrothers of mine, you did for me.’

 For the last 4 days I have slept out side in parks and in the woods trying to cut myself off from the material world that I have become so in love with. So many of the things in my life have taken the place of God, and I am making an attempt to correct that. Does this seem a bit drastic? I dont think it is. Christ gave his life for me… so I should be willing to give up comforts at the least? But that is just the story that set my goal in life into motion. While I have been praying about a calling in life, God has used this time to show me.

I was walking to a friends house to spend the night and on the way I passed a homeless guy. I gave him 3 bucks and he went to McDonalds and got some food, then I went about my way. The entire time I was walking, I couldnt get that man out of my head. That night I thought about all the homeless people I have seen from trips with my school and my church to Down Town Houston. And even when I was asleep I couldnt get this image of all these homeless people… hungry, naked, sick, cold, and lost, out of my brain. I prayed and thought about it all the next day, and the day after that… and today I am writting this because I do believe God has called me to the mission fields… but not the mission fields that most people think of.

When you meet a missionary to China, he will tell you about how the family had to addapt to the culture of that area in order to fit in with society. Well I feel that I have been called to leave everything I own, all the perks of a comfortable life, and devote my life to helping the homeless. I feel that God has called me to help “the least of these.”

With that said, I am looking for a good but cheap Bible college. I want to spend a minimum of 2 years in college and then I want to hit the streets. I have not finished praying about this yet, but it is heavy on my heart. And I would like to ask for your prayers and sapport in this decision.